No Recollection
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "Are you, um… are you my nurse?" The question feels somewhat reminiscent of a dagger to the gut.


**Kensi comes home with amnesia and only remembers working with Sam, Callen, and Hetty. I'm contemplating continuing this, but I might just leave it as a one shot. Enjoy:)**

**- Hazel**

* * *

When the doctors first delivered the news, Deeks nearly collapsed.

His knees buckled and shook as all eyes landed on him- one of people they knew for sure Kensi wouldn't recall. The most important relationship she had, completely erased from memory.

Deeks enters her hospital room slowly, careful not to startle this person who he knows views him as a total stranger.

She lifts her head upon hearing footsteps, both eyes drooping with exhaustion.

"Are you, um… are you my nurse?"

The question feels somewhat reminiscent of a dagger to the gut. _She doesn't know him._ His vision blurs but Deeks clears his throat, taking a seat at the right of her bed.

"No, no. I'm…" He contemplates what title to give himself: partner, or boyfriend. Both are truthful.

"I'm your partner," he states finally, deciding that he'll wait awhile before sharing the other bit of information with her.

She watches him with a mixture of shock and awe, but the sentiment quickly turns to confusion.

"No, no- I don't have a partner."

He shakes his head, sucking his lips back into his mouth. "You do. It's me."

Kensi looks away, the ticking on the heart rate monitor beside her bed increasing as he continues staring at her.

"So, you don't, uh…" Deeks inhales sharply and closes his eyes briefly, forcing his breathing to remain even. "You don't remember me at all?"

Kensi's forehead crinkles as her eyes dance around his face. She tries to place him, to locate a memory of him or find a twinge of recollection somewhere inside her messed up head, but nothing comes to mind.

"I'm so sorry, but I-"

Deeks lifts a hand gently, giving her a toothless smile that's filled with endless amounts of hurt and anguish.

"It's okay. None of this is your fault."

His words say one thing but his face tells her another. Silence surrounds them, completely holding the two strangers in a sense of suspended animation until- "Will you tell me, please?"

His head lifts, eyes wide and at least somewhat hopeful.

"What?"

She shakes her head bashfully, playing with the edge of a blanket that covers her.

"Could you tell me… about us? About you?"

Kensi doesn't want to put something out there that doesn't exist, but solely judging by the way he's been looking at her for the full duration of his short stay, she can't help but let her mind wander. There's something there, she can feel it.

He sort of grins, glancing down to his lap.

"I'm, um… Marty Deeks," he says, extending a hand to her. It feels beyond strange and ridiculously silly, but this is their new normal. He has to adjust.

"You can just call me Deeks, though. That's what you've always done."

Kensi shakes his hand, her grip light while his is firm and strong.

"Okay… _Deeks_. That's a start."

He tries to force himself into looking happy but is sure that the expression appears strained.

"Well, we're, um…" He considers restating the already previously acknowledged truth that they are, in fact, partners. But something more pressing, something more important is weighing heavily on his mind.

"We're together. Or we were, before you left."

The beeping of the monitor beside her bed practically begins to scream, but Deeks ignores it. _For her. _

"You mean…" Kensi lowers her head, jetting her chin out. "Together, together?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Her face is emotionless for a brief second, then she decides to give him a small grin.

"Well… wow."

"Yeah."

He grimaces slightly, knowing that the complexity of their situation is just beginning to dawn on her. Kensi's smile just grows as she groggily leans her head back against the mountain of pillows that support her.

"You're cute."

Deeks chuckles, completely unprepared for the remark but willing to accept it regardless.

"Thanks. You are too, Kensalina."

"Kensalina?"

His expression of exhilaration falters. _Of course_ she doesn't remember.

"Nickname."

"Ahhh."

There's a short silence between them, but it's much more comfortable than the last one and doesn't bother her as much. It seems at least _somewhat _natural.

"What else?" She asks, trying not to appear incredibly eager to learn about herself. It's such a strange desire to have, a sensation that she has a hard time wrapping her mind around.

"What do you wanna know?"

Kensi shrugs, sheepishly struggling with her emotions. Learning that she has a handsome partner who also doubles as her boyfriend is an interesting tidbit of news, no doubt.

"Well for starters… how'd we meet?"

He looks to his feet, staring off into nowhere as if recalling a fond memory. For a moment she believes that his mind has almost completely left the room until he mumbles something, speaking so quietly that the words are nearly unintelligible.

"Black tank top, jeans, bag that goes across the shoulder, hair down, wavy."

She doesn't interrupt the babble, and simply watches as he reminisces with himself. Deeks looks up and catches her staring, but Kensi doesn't tear her eyes away.

"Oh, erm, sorry," he says, frazzled.

Kensi shrugs, having no idea why she finds that, _with him_, her patience is somewhat unlimited.

"No worries. Take your time."

He smiles and nods, sucking in a gulp of air before finally finding his voice.

"Um… I was undercover, and so were you. Our cases crossed over, and…" he chuckles. "You thought I was a suspect, at first."

"What changed?"

"Hetty, mostly."

She smiles. "I can see that happening."

"Yeah. Then I got hired as an LAPD liaison, and now-" Deeks tosses his hands up in the air. "-here we are."

She nods, replicating the movement. "Here were are."

He holds Kensi's gaze, eyes dancing around her face. "This must be so weird for you."

"I mean… it is. But for you too."

Her eyebrows furrow and, although she views him as a simple acquaintance, Deeks can easily how much she's hurting for him.

"I really am sorry."

"It's alright."

Deeks reaches for her hand without thinking, and despite her acceptance he immediately finds himself regretting the decision.

"Oh, geez- I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have, um-"

Kensi finds a vague sense of familiarity in the way his blue eyes shine, and she squeezes his hand gently.

"It's okay, Deeks."

He swallows, feeling his heart jump and skip a couple of times as they just watch each other. It's clear that she's taking him in, trying to learn who he is without really asking.

As she cocks her head to the side, unspeaking, a small tuft of hair falls down from behind her ear. Deeks considers pushing it back for her but knows that he probably shouldn't, and allows Kensi to fix it herself.

"You know Kens, I-"

There's a knock at the door, one that forces them both out of a trance.

"Ms. Blye?"

She forces herself to look away from him. "Yes?"

"We need to take you up to neurology."

The woman glances at Deeks twice, not being subtle whatsoever but also not trying to be.

"Oh, er, right."

Deeks easily takes that as his cue, pulling his hand away from hers as he stands up to go.

Kensi opens her mouth to speak as he moves away, her face falling. Nothing will come out, though. She has no good excuse that might make him stay.

The nurse walks over to a computer in the corner of the room and Deeks stops, catching Kensi's distressed features in his peripheral vision. He smiles softly, sticking both hands in his pockets.

"How about dinner tomorrow night?"

She tries to hide her happiness at the proposition.

"I can't offer you the greatest menu. There isn't a lot to eat here, mostly just-" She looks around the room, finding a tray of untouched food on one of tables. "-jello cups."

"Your favorite, if I remember correctly."

He smirks at her. She wonders what he's thinking about but decides not to ask.

"Uh-huh. But they don't make a complete meal."

"I can bring us some food. How does a turkey burger sound?"

"Good." Her voice is airy and happy. "Really good."

"Okay… good," he says, backing towards the door. "I'll see you then."

Kensi nods, feeling a newfound lightness in her chest. Immediately, she knows exactly what it is.

_A small, shiny glimmer of hope._

Deeks pats the door once, giving her a cheeky little smile before making his exit.

"It's a date."


End file.
